OBINRIN: RATINGS ON 5 TYPES OF AWO 101 ESCAPADES

By: Aliyya Hussain

DISCLAIMER: Single pringles or singlets, whichever you identify as, this post is not for you but I advise that you read this before ticking the boxes in your next situation-ship, or rather relationship. When school resumed physically, so did AWO 101. I’m sure you’ve been seeing lovebirds whispering and cuddling all the way from tech road to around the environs of Awo Hall, clinging to each other as if one of them might vanish into thin air depending on the strength of the other.

If you’re single, you might not relate to this post but for my fellow stewards of AWO 101, I’m sure you’re already catching your sub or should I speak louder for those at the back. Whatever the case might be, get your jotters ready, as I’m about to shake and destroy some tables.

LOVE IN GUTTERS

Nkiru, why are you sitting inside the gutter? Sister Shade, is the love so strong that you’re crossing your legs inside the gutter? At this point, what in the drainage system is going on? What is the cogent reason why you have decided to sit down with frogs, cockroaches, reptiles and everything else playing inside gutters?

Honestly, this is what I would describe as trenches love. It’s the same you that would sing that you didn’t come to this life to suffer, yet you’re suffering in the name of love and you even enjoy suffering. Chai! Even if you don’t like yourself, have some respect for your poor body and bride price. Haba!

LOVE IN CARS, MAKE IT VENZA

There is Awo 101 and there’s classy Awo 101. From 7pm, different men in different cars take strategic positions around Awo and call their babes to come downstairs. Once you see an Awoite in shorts and big shirt, just know she’s about to enter her man’s car.

This type of Awo 101 raises both eyebrows and curiosity of people, especially on what happens in the car, but my mother taught me that curiosity killed the cat. Let me mind my business, before curiosity kills my imagination.

LOVE IN DISAPPEARANCE

Now you people are of two types; the ones who don’t inform their roommates that they would not be coming back that night and the ones that announce. If you fall into any of these categories, I ask again, where una dey go?
Best in spontaneous lying when your mother calls about your whereabouts. I pity your bothered roommates calling you to ask whether to lock the door or not. Just come back with sufficient gist and gossip and I must not hear that he served your breakfast oh.

LOVE IN LEGS

Since you have been advised to work out and carry yourself to UI gym and you refused, then perhaps love might save your life. But please and please, do not complain of body aches or miss your 7am class after your love walk to Awba Dam the night before. Did they born you into this life to be trekking?

Is it every time Femi calls you that you have to walk a marathon? It’s like you want to develop your calf muscles shey? Let me advise you. Instead of wearing slippers, just wear sneakers and prepare to walk because your love life depends on it.

WHY CAN’T YOU COME?

Another argument of “Why can’t you come to my hostel?” ensues over the phone. Your roommates are itching to tell you to shut up. And the most annoying thing is you are at the shared balcony and your phone is on speaker.

This man has said he does not see the sense in AWO 101, and you are there arguing. Why haven’t you gotten the memo? Man’s either avoiding someone, seeing someone else or simply aromatic. Just rest or find yourself another man biko.