When Silence Becomes The Mantra: Navigating  Roommate Conflicts and Communication

Tofunmi Great Ayeni

If you have ever lived in a hostel at the University of Ibadan : whether it is Queen Awo Hall, Elizabeth II Hall, Tedder Hall, or any of the private hostels scattered around Agbowo and Ajibode – you know that sharing a room is like entering a social experiment you didn’t sign up for.
You meet a complete stranger, and suddenly, you’re sharing everything: space, air, sometimes even food (invited or not). But there’s one thing many of us forget to share – our voices.

THE SILENT TREATMENT THAT’S KILLING UI ROOMMATE RELATIONSHIPS

Picture this: Your roommate has a habit of playing music at 2 AM during exam period. Or maybe they “borrow” your provisions without asking. Perhaps they never sweep their side of the room, and the dust is staging a protest on your side. Or worse, they bring visitors who overstay their welcome and treat your space like a free lounge. What do you do?

If you’re like most UI students, you do… nothing. You bottle it up. You rant to your course mates at the Faculty of Arts. You subtweet on your close friends’ story. You call your secondary school friends and complain. But the one person who actually needs to hear it? Silence.
“I DON’T WANT WAHALA”
This is the Nigerian student’s favorite phrase. We’ve been raised to “manage,” to “let it go,” to avoid confrontation at all costs. After all, who wants to be labeled as “that difficult roommate” or have stories circulating about you in the hostel WhatsApp group?

So we smile on the outside while keeping a mental list of offenses on the inside. We become professional grudge-holders, equipped with receipts from three semesters ago. And then one day, over something small – maybe they used your sponge – we explode. The bottled-up frustration comes pouring out, and suddenly, you’re in a full-blown hostel drama that even the porters can’t resolve.

THE COST OF SWALLOWING YOUR WORDS
Here’s what happens when you keep quiet:
1. The resentment grows: Every new offense adds to the pile. That small annoyance becomes a mountain of bitterness.
2. You become passive-aggressive: You start doing subtle things: ignoring their greetings, “mistakenly” unplugging their phone from the socket, or suddenly becoming too busy to help when they ask for a favor.
3. The room becomes a war zone: The tension is so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Your roommate feels it but doesn’t know what they did wrong.
4. Your peace of mind suffers:  You can’t relax in your own space. Every time you enter the room, your blood pressure rises.
Communication isn’t about being confrontational: it’s about being honest and respectful. Your roommate is not a mind reader. They genuinely might not know that their actions are bothering you. That late-night call they’re having? They might think you’re a deep sleeper. That food they took? Maybe they assumed you wouldn’t mind.

HOW TO SPEAK UP (THE UNIVERSITY SURVIVAL GUIDE)
1. Address it early:  Don’t wait until you’ve compiled a 50-page document of offenses. Speak up the first or second time it happens.
2. Choose the right time: Don’t ambush them when they just woke up or when they’re rushing for a 7 AM lecture at the Faculty of Science. Find a calm moment.
3. Use “I” statements: Instead of “You’re always playing loud music,” try “I find it hard to read when the music is loud. Can we find a compromise?”
4. Be specific: Don’t say “You’re dirty.” Say “I’ve noticed the dishes have been piling up. Can we create a cleaning schedule?”
5. Listen too: Communication is a two-way street. Maybe they have concerns about you as well. Be ready to hear them out.
6. Suggest solutions: Don’t just complain; offer practical ways to fix the problem together.

THE ROOMMATE CODE
Living with someone at UI (or any Nigerian university) requires patience, understanding, and yes, communication. You don’t have to be best friends with your roommate, but you should be able to coexist peacefully.
Remember: That room is your home for the session. You deserve to feel comfortable in it. And your roommate deserves to know when something is wrong so they can adjust.

THE BOTTOM LINE
Stop suffering in silence. Stop venting to everyone except the person who can actually make a change. Stop letting small issues become big problems.
The next time your roommate does something that bothers you, take a deep breath, find your courage, and just talk. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s better than living with silent resentment for an entire semester.
Your peace of mind is too valuable to sacrifice at the altar of “I don’t want wahala.”
Speak up. Respectfully. Honestly. Early.
Your future self (and your roommate) will thank you.

Image credit: USA Today